That's what I said!

I'm what Tim Sample would call a 'native Mainer'. That means I was born and raised here. Unless you're born in Maine, you're considered 'from away' no matter how long you've lived here. It makes for a humorous skit for Tim, but there is a ring of truth to it. Mainers are slow to accept people 'from away'. And even slower to accept new concepts, ideas and change. I've talked about Maines inablility to accept growth and thus dooming itself to a dismal economy that depends largely on the summer tourism trade. And when gas prices increase, tourism weakens, leaving Mainers asking what they can do to build a strong, stable economy. To people like me, who have lived in other, more open-minded areas of the country, it's plain to see. Maine needs to make itself more business friendly and embrace technology. It's government and citizens need to stop dragging their heels and actively pursue new business. And now I'm not the only one saying so. Richard Seline, who used to work for the first President Bush has said pretty much the same thing. Hmmm, it must be his Washington address that makes him more credible??

Happy Easter

First I have to say thank you to everyone offering support. It might seem like a small thing, but your kind words of caring are inspirational for me. In fact, this week the darkness lifted enough for my family and I to enjoy Easter together. We're a bit untraditional I'm afraid. No church services or colored eggs. My almost grown children awoke to brightly colored bags instead of baskets. In fact the only thing traditional about our day was the yummy spiral ham and sweet potato. We topped off our holiday by watching the movie "Stargate: The Ark of Truth"...in true geek fashion. Yes, we're Stargate freaks and proud of it. And watching Col. Cameron Mitchell (Ben Browder) and Dr. Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) was as yummy as the Cadbury Mini Eggs in my kids Easter 'bags'.

The Dark Path

I recognized the blackness of the path as I approached it for the second time in my lifetime. It was a road I truly never wanted to revisit. But sometimes life doesn't let you choose. That has been the case with my life over the past month, and especially over the past week and a half. As I took those first steps into the darkness, the familiarity of it all was overwhelming. Did I truly have the strength to navigate it to the end? And where was I going to find that strength again? The temptation to give in to depression was strong. As weak as I felt emotionally, could I actually be strong for someone else. Fear makes me doubt myself. But fear of failing to remain strong pushes me forward. Funny how fear can be both a positive and negative motivating factor.
My silence here, and everywhere really, is simply due to the fact that I've been hoarding all of my energy for a difficult work situation, my child who needs my strength, and my own battle with despair. But as we travel deeper into the darkness, there are differences. We all were changed by our last trip down this road and those changes are perhaps making us all more capable of walking it. It is still not easy, but perhaps not as terrifying as before. It's as if we were all given a small light inside of us, and although it wavers and is weak, it still allows us to see a tiny part of the path in front of us. And it gives me hope that not only I, but all of us will make it to the end a second time.

Pink Linings

The saying goes that inside every dark cloud is a silver lining. As a consummate girly girl, I prefer to see my clouds as having a pretty pink linings. Just like the ones I snapped the picture of yesterday after the storm. Pretty isn't it. It's hard to believe that just a few hours earlier the sky was an ugly gray.

This weekend felt rather unproductive to me. There were several things I was planning to accomplish which are still undone. But perhaps that was for the best, because I managed to actually relax for the first time in weeks. I also got to spend some time with my daughter, the two of us actually going out to lunch this afternoon. As we sat in the restaurant, suddenly she looked across the table at me and smiled. "You look about 25 today Mom". I think she was exaggerating a little, but it was a really nice compliment just the same. It also gave me pause for thought.

Having a baby face pays off when you reach my age. And although I'm far from ashamed of my 44 years, I like the fact that most people are shocked when they realize I have a 21 year old daughter. That most could never guess my actual age. Does that make me vain? I suppose perhaps a little. I like looking young. A lot of women talk about growing old gracefully, and there is something to be said for that. But me, I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm still learning, growing and experiencing new things. And although I'm sure some of my contemporaries look at me and shake their heads, I'm not ready to give up that young outlook on life. Life is still new and exciting for me, even if it's not always easy.

The storm slowed me down enough this weekend to remind me of some things. Pink linings from a gray snow filled sky.

Silenced by Snow

I guess I'm living proof that it's not easy to juggle business with pleasure. It's been two weeks since I posted here. Part of the reason can be blamed on snow. I hate it. Yet, I live in Maine. Where it snows. A lot. More this year than most. The picture at the left? The skylight in my bedroom, buried beneath the fresh snow that is falling from the sky once again. It makes it harder knowing that in places where I used to live, the grass is green, the daffodils are in bloom and...well, it's pretty much spring. We've gotten so much snow this year that the monstrous snow bankings will still be melting off in July. Ok, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe not. Regardless, all of this cold, snowy, winter weather takes its toll on me. I swear I have seasonal affective disorder...SAD...appropriate acronym.